Mike's Quotes Page

	"Try putting in a very small number, like point zero zero zero zero zero." - Mrs. Miller, calculus teacher, describing how to find the limit of a function as x approaches zero
	"I’ll give it to you in a sentence. ‘The witch cast a spell on me, so I went to the wizard to get an anecdote.’" - Andrew Ellis, when asked what "anecdote" means
	"I’m used to high grass and heavy balls." - Lauren Kriegel, about field hockey
	"I just saw Dan’s legs spread, and I wanted to go between them." - Lee Bernstein, in a ping pong match with Dan Schreiber
	"The only thing I care about right now is apathy." - Andrew Ellis
	"You know, sir, Tess of the D’urbervilles really bored me until the part where the Tyrannosaur started attacking the jeep…" - Gregory Wyshynski, to Mr. Turner, English teacher
	"[Blow job] has to be either hyphenated or two words, because the job that’s being done is the blow." - Victor Russo
	"Well, the kid is pretty messed up. I mean, come on, he has an exoskeleton." - David Tsui, about Lauren’s egg baby project
	"Okay girls, grab a partner and get busy!" - Mrs. Franks, Phys Ed teacher, to her class in the weight room
	"How do you spell intelligence?" - Andrew Stanger
	"Come to my house tonight, we’ll make fluffernutter sandwiches." - Lauren Kriegel
	"Look at us. We could be in a movie. We have two Mikes, two Andys, two girls, and an Indian." - Andy Stanger
	"Thank you for that useless information, professor. Can I have some more?" - Chris Malter
	"Oh! Today’s the day I have all those funny classes at all those weird times!" - Michael Moyer
	"Can I sleep in your room tonight? I’ll bring my bed." - Andrew Ellis
	"An error was encountered while reading drive A. This error prevents ScanDisk from fixing the disk." - An MS Dos disk-fixing program
	"Now what this ‘trunc’ function does is, it whacks off the decimal." - Maxine Fontana, Computer Science Instructor, talking about a very happy decimal
	"I am Satan! I travel at the speed of Darkness, which is ten times the speed of light!" - James Robinson
	"If it rains, remember to wear an umbrella. And if it doesn’t rain, shake hands with the unemployed." - Gary Benedetto, making a sexual reference
	"Yes! Yes! I may have a winter job this summer!" - Andrew Ellis
	"Oh shit! He’s dead! Damn, I’m talking about myself in the third person." - James Robinson
	"Damn! Duped by the very person who was trying to dupe me!" - Victor Hall
	"Hmmm. My stick sense is tingling. I’m about to get hurt." - James Robinson
	"They eventually landed safely in the South Pacific. Many countries offered water recovery assistance. Even countries like Paraguay and Czechoslovakia volunteered. They don’t even have coastlines!" - Commander James Lovell, speaking at the University of Maryland
	"Snickers really satisfies me… not sexually, of course." - Andrew Ellis
	"You want to run that through me again?" - James Robinson
	"My butt consumes food like anything!" - Lisa Moyer
	"Who’s playing, people or kids?" - Angie Moyer, referring to a Jeopardy game
	"Damn you and your incontrofutable logic!" - Michael Moyer
	"You know my girlfriend’s a vegetation, which pretty much makes me... wait..." - James Robinson doing a Pulp Fiction impression
	"Escape immediately! If not sooner." - James Robinson
	"Ewoks taste like chicken." - James Robinson
	"Yeah, but think: The people who could have her are the people who could have anybody. And of all the people who are anybody, she's only one." - Michael Moyer, discussing the marriage potential of Kathy Ireland
	"Well, don’t speak before your chickens are counted." - Michael Moyer
	"What time is my one o'clock class?" - Larry Duva
	"Macs are weak and helpless. They’d never survive in the wild." - Andrew Ellis
	"That must tickle, having a car drive all over your body." - Michael Moyer, talking about a commercial he’d just seen
	"Error writing to brain…" - Joseph Duva
	"It’s been gone for years to come." - James Robinson
	"Oooh! I wanna see the sound!" - Joseph Duva
	"Rob, don’t make me come over there and let you beat me up." - James Robinson
	"Ewww. You taste like liquid oxygen." - Robin Beach, making an Abyss reference
	"‘You cretins! You are nothing more than apes to me! I’ve written computer programs smarter than you!’" - Brian Renn, doing an impression of Dr. Reggia, logic professor
	"I hope I’m inside and out of the outside by that point." - Michael Moyer
	"Now that’s perfection at it’s best." - Robin Beach
	"I could pull a universe out of my ass right now… if my ass was heated to 1000 trillion trillion degrees." - Michael Moyer
	"That’s what I would do if I didn’t want me to know who I was." - Michael Moyer
	"Man cannot live on solitaire alone. Hmmm… that’s almost redundant." - Liam Davitt
	"You'd better stay awake when you go to sleep tonight." - Andy Ellis, threatening John
	"Man, my notes from the second half of the semester equal all my notes from the first half of the semester combined." - Michael Moyer
	"All the world's a stage, and the people merely players. Men are writing the script, and the women can't act." - Michael Moyer
	"Who's that tall, daft-looking fuck?" - Liam Davitt, trying to remember someone from a movie
	"We all know where grenades come from...Grenada." - James Robinson
	"'Rough Sex' is pretty good...Or so I hear." - Larry, referring to a Lords of Acid song
	"Who's the short guy with the force?" - Wendy, talking about Yoda
	"Great Expectations was such a boring book. If anyone ever bought me that I'd shove it up their ass! How's that for great expectaions?" - Robin Beach, on a scene in The Cutting Edge
	"My [Computer Science] 420 professor gets paid $130,000 a year to put us to sleep. I don't even think anesthesiologists make that much." - Andrew Ellis
	"Who cares about the Canadians? There are no black people in Canadia." - James Robinson
	"It slows down a few octaves." - James Robinson
	"In the future, we’ll all be replaced by stuffed animals." - Michael Moyer
	"You’re luring yourself into a false sense of insecurity." - Andrew Ellis
	"Danger Mouse is the best thing to come out of Britain since...Americans." - Andrew Ellis
	"Three is kind of an odd number to have in a car. Actually, three is kind of an odd number to start with." - Michael Beabout
	"I hope I live to be that long." - Michael Moyer
	"I have a big bruise on my leg where the train hit me." - Lynn Richardson
	"You can only kill someone so much before they die." - Robin Beach
	"The best military organization to join would be the National Guard, followed by the post office, followed by the Air Force..." - James Robinson
	"Oh please. Any moron with half a brain knows that a recursive-chain-matrix algorithm is obviously faster than an exhaustive search of all parenthesizations." - Andrew Ellis, on common sense
	"Spring is my favorite pair of seasons." - Chris Malter, while ogling at a well-endowed young woman.
	"Why is no one making an effort to feed me?" - Liam Davitt
	Mike: Where did you find that leaf? Mary I got it from a leaf farm. Mike: A leaf farm? Mary Yeah. Mike: You mean a place where a lot of leaves grow together? Mary That's right. Mike: Like a tree?
	Mary: Does venison taste like chicken? Mike: Not really. It tastes more like...deer. Andy: Oh yeah Mike, like you know what deer tastes like. Mike: Venison is deer.
	"Once I blow my own head off, then you can use the gun. I would blow your head off for you, but I won't be able to see you after I blow my head off." - Larry Duva
	Mike: The U.S. is such a great country. John: Yeah, God bless the almighty 'Stars and Bars.' Mike: John, that's the Confederacy. John: Oh.